Learning How To Be An Adult

Reflecting on my work with individuals, groups and organizations, most challenges that I encounter seem to revolve around what I characterize as learning how to be an “adult.” For me, being an adult includes, but is not limited to, the following:

- Being aware of our own behavior
- Making conscious choices about how we behave
- Learning to control our impulses
- Being honest
- Honoring commitments
- Continuing to learn
- Assisting others to continue to learn
- Treating others with respect
- Giving others the benefit of the doubt
- Sharing information
- Understanding that nobody is perfect

Where are we supposed to have learned these things? From our parents? In school? From our employers? In an ideal world, all of these could and should be sources for our development into adulthood. But the reality is that for most of us, our parents, teachers and employers are/were mere mortals. And this means that some of our ideas about how to be a parent, teacher, employer (and husband, wife, son, daughter, friend, etc. etc. etc.) grew largely from our observation of less than perfect role models.

If we choose to support the mission of our organizations by being effective leaders, we need to understand how our behaviors can make or break that mission. What is the effect on the organization when we:

- Think only of ourselves
- Lack awareness of how we affect others
- Do not follow through on our commitments
- Do not treat others with respect
- Control through intimidation
- Do not provide the necessary information and resources
- Expect only perfection from ourselves and others

We need to understand how we behave. We need to understand our choices for behaving differently. We need to make choices.